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Hello moms and moms–to- be!!

I am a mother of 3.8 years old toddler boy, still struggling to beat my postpartum depression blues but in good state of handling it.I named my boy as ‘MIRACLE” as my pregnancy was unplanned.

May be or may not all mothers(after delivery) undergo postpartum depression but definitely they are under pressure of taking up new responsibility.

I sensed the first symptom of depression on the very second day of my boy’s birth, like I started crying when not so knowledgeable nurse told baby is not urinating properly .Then my crying journey for simple things started

The word “pregnancy”(for the first time mother) brings happiness to the whole world around us. People start giving extra care to the momma-to-be. As a freebies we get advices, many do’s & don’ts ,what to eat, what not to eat, when to go out, when not to go out. This advise circle do not have leave the so called doctor moms also.(as told by my gynae)

Nine months goes on like this, then comes the real big day when “Baby is Born”. Then the real drama starts, a new mom who is in pain of surgery or natural birth is expected to nurture her baby in very experienced way like holding in proper position ,feeding, burping in professional way(jokes apart ,they make us guilty of this)

Real trouble starts, when your own mom or mother in law or any family member expects a new mom to handle baby like professional

• To feed continuously. Immediately judging milk supply is low(I used to feel worthless on this account)

• A MOTHER is a MOTHER whether she breastfeeds or not its her choice(gyan given by my paediatric on my self unworthiness)
• It is natural baby to cry when they enter into new world
Continuous feeding with no rest makes mother restless in few cases like me my mil always asked to feed the baby whenever he cries(huh..)

On seeing baby, I used to fear a lot whether he will survive or not. Because am not feeding him well.(as told by others) Breast feeding became challenging task. I used cry a lot for small things. Even my own mother hated for crying (actually it was a symptom postpartum depression). Expectations from in laws side(Indian families) to treat relatives well who come to see baby, my hubby couldn’t get the my point of crying and bringing family issues to me at this point made me mad .

People started blaming me for not producing sufficient milk ,they said I didn’t eat properly during pregnancy so on and so forth(baby weight was optimum 2.6kg,as told by doc I have ,inefficient placenta which slightly effects baby’s weight)

I never enjoyed birth of my little one I even hated him. I cursed him why he was born like that. Till till one month of his birth, I cried like anything.
I tried hard to breast feed him but could not(due to anxiety supply dropped). I felt like ,am less important to the baby when I couldn’t breastfed him.(never feel so, you are mother any ways)
I took lot of medicine to improve my milk supply I never understood that my anxiety dropped my milk supply.
I continued breastfeeding complementing with bottle feeding., I joined my job back @ when my baby is 5.5months old. People still used to ask me is milk sufficient for kid made me worry much.

Father(my hubby) at another place always enquired about my milk supply on phone. I exhausted talking to my mil on this topic.

This saga continued, physical relationship with hubby got disrupted.
I never accepted/believed someone (except) few to give my child.
Though people were ready to help me, am unable to take their help. Within few days, another little child arrived into our family started our comparison journey.(my irritability increased)
During this journey I developed irritability towards hubby, mother in laws n sis in law. Yes they were helpful in handling baby but I imprinted them as negative personalities in my mind which led to irritability on seeing them. I couldn’t see any good in them. Here ,I developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome which weakened my immunity and work efficiency.

I used to be very argumentized with my hubby collapsed my relationship
Later, I tried to figure out what is happening to me, what’s making me irritable
• I tried to write my trigger points in diary and sort out reasons.
* When I am not in stress, milk flowed & could feed by my baby.(positive note)
* I started doing small exercises tried to come out of it.
*I started sharing pain with my friends I talked my heart out with doctor. However, I never vented this to my hubby (main drawback).
*I started listening to motivational videos, which relieved me to some extent.

  • I sometimes, took help of sister in law to take care of my baby.
    *I joined in Breast feeding support communities, other support groups started venting out my feelings where I was not judged.
  • I started asking my hubby for HELP to care of baby.
    *I vented my feelings to few of colleagues, one colleague’s advice and motivation helped me relactate baby after stopping breast feeding.
    To become active, to come of out depression
    • Just bounce back, wash you hair, tie your bun, dress well get photographed with your little one and tag the people
    • If you are fearful or anxious take deep breaths inhale thru nose & exhale thru mouth (PNS)para sympathetic nervous system gets activated.
    • If worrying, negativity prevails consult doctor psychiatrist, psycho counselor which I have done it, still am on medication
    • I joined yoga classes (online)
    • Sometimes becoming mothers makes us forget about taking care of body which leads obesity / dullness. So get back to old good habits
    • Mumma go out for parlor, have home facials, pedicures.
    • Don’t always wear night wear which lowers the spirits. Dress bright ask doubts if any to your trusted people.
    Expectations versus reality : Mother is expected to do all chores along with baby care. So division of labor a also helps to come out of depression, you feel relieved.

  • Some tips to manage home and kid easily:

    • Don’t hesitate to ask for the help.
    • If you are working, engage nanny.
    • I was feeling lonely, so I started friendship with new mothers shared my by worries sometimes got relieved.
    • Watching funny movie releases happy hormones.
    • Exercise is the best part to improve our mood.S
    • Go out for early morning walks
    • Enjoy your “Me” time.
    • Jot down your feeling in diary (journaling brings out lot of solution for eg: I was very anxious when baby catched cold/fever.
    • I wrote it when I get anxious then, I calmed saying myself baby is getting by building his immune system.
    • Have healthy food instead of junk.
    • Keep yourself Hydrated.
    • Take prescribed nutrient supplements

Being anxious is natural triat of every new mother(first timers)especially. You are not alone my dear Mumma.

If anxiety exceeds, it turns to depression which hinders your health , baby’s health and relationships.
So keep track of your mental health,physical health, speak out, laugh, enjoy every moment and share your joys n sorrows
“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be somone’s survival guide”.


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