Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or Why some kids don’t obey !|
Children must not be branded with ODD. when kids don’t obey
It’s a confusion created due to factors which are not congenial with the state of mind.
Mind perceives and learns with experience.
When children process an information, the connect with the instruction has a disconnect due to either
The first two can be and must be corrected by means of any pleasant way only. Dislike needs to be understood. What could be the reason behind the defiance or disobedience. Is it strongly due to lifestyle or past experience or just a mischief.
Lifestyle correction is not easy. People who do not like to follow a rule, or custom or tradition , do so, due to hypocrisy observed or a strong adherence to self-proclaimed principles.
Therefore the defiance needs to be understood, why the dislike to obey social authority.
The two prong approach is to see
1.the mental as well as
2.physical ambiance , environment which is non-violent, thus attracting the children to adhere to the source of rule ,whether through a person or a document.
The other approach is to make the order or rule, attractive and beneficial to the follower. The rule must be perceived by the follower as beneficial.
When parents or any other source, are perceived as violent, angry ,very naturally the children distance themselves.
The distancing can be physical as well as mental. Which means, distancing becomes a natural process who face violence or abuse.
The distancing to listening reduces the ability of information processing of any matter.
The suppression of the mind gets an expression of disobedience , elsewhere some times.
Ponder over a point that children ,only sometimes show disobedience but other times they obey or listen to. Observe the conditions when they are obeying or listening. You’ll be surprised, most of the time the children listen when the kids see a direct benefit and obvious gain.
In short the defiant behaviour is due to confusion. Confusion is due to disconnect.
Coming to the point of influence of the parents, integrity is an important factor. If elders are perceived as not following the same rule, which is being told to others, children do not see the integrity. Integrity is to keep the word, keep up the promises, doing what is said to others.
Here, there is a subtle difference. Many a time, what’s told to children is applicable to children only. It does not apply to adults. This point needs to be understood by the children. This confusion can be cleared by the parents or elders by giving suitable examples of lifestyle. For example ..a child needs to be held by hand by parent, but elders walk on their own , while on the roads. So some rules are only for children for their own safety…
Let me summarise..
1.Rules must be perceived by the children clearly as a personal benefit.
2. Rules must be made attractive and not repulsive
3. Integrity must be enacted by elders whenever possible, to win confidence in the words of elders
4. Primary needs of safety and joy etc got to be perceived by children
5. Source of the disconnect for the instructions must be understood
6. Environment must be congenial both physical n mental
7.Last but not least, it is very easy to make children follow rules, by role play way. Play can get kids get used to follow rules by making it a habit and develop strong character.
Daily play of a couple of necessary rules, to see and follow. Initially to their liking and later on add a few more. Gradually the disobedient or deviant behaviour progresses to a good behaviour.